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Recently, my wife, 7 year old daughter and I decided that since it was such a beautiful, cool, and slightly breezy evening that we would take a blanket outside, spread it out on the lawn with some refreshments, and enjoy the evening reading books.

I grabbed a book that I had wanted to finish for a while, strapped on my seatbelt as it were, and got ready for some serious, uninterrupted reading.

Except there was one little problem…

My wife and daughter grabbed a book they “said” they were going to read together. And for the next hour and a half that we spent on the lawn, they were both up and down, in and out of the house, giggling, laughing, playing, getting this, getting that, teasing each other, and in general, fooling around. If doubt they read 10 lines of text the whole time.

Now on my end, I’m wanting to read my book and so I found myself starting to feel a little bit aggravated. My focus was on reading and anything that interrupted me or distracted me from my reading was a nuisance and an irritant.

In fact, I went so far as to say to them, “You girls aren’t getting much reading done are you?”

It was their look of puzzlement, that look at me as if I was from outer-space or some foreign place that caused me to remember that which I already knew…

Females are focused on relating. And anything that interrupts them or distracts them from their relating is a nuisance and an irritant.

And therein lies the “rub”. Men are focused on the “doing” while the women are focused on “connecting”.

So how do you improve your relationship with your wife?

Of course, there are many answers to this question, but pertaining to this article, the way to improve your relationship with your wife is to force yourself to set aside whatever it is that you are “doing”.

Totally forget about “doing” anything and instead focus on the “connecting” and “relating” that she’s wanting.

Realize that whatever the “doing” part is supposed to be is really nothing more than a platform upon which she wants to “connect” and “relate”.

But be warned, if you take time “connect” and “relate” to and with her, she might end up “doing” you if you get my drift…

Happily, that’s exactly what happened to me.

Need help from an expert? Meet the man who has been on Opera and has helped thousands in their relationships. Click here

Relationships are difficult to sustain. Very few relationships sustain for long with both partners totally happy. Most people carry through a relationship without any joy.

We all start our new relationships with hopes, dreams, and wonderful aspirations. But oftentimes, we see couples, or in our own relationships, where things turn sour. What can be done to keep a relationship strong and joyous?

Avoid this common mistakes.

1. Not investing enough time in your relationship

2. “Housework” is not just for women. You can learn how to do laundry, vacuum the house and wash the dishes if you haven’t learned in the past.

3. Your partner is NOT your Mom and is not responsible to help you remember what it takes to keep harmony and peace in your relationship.

4. Thinking everything is about you and for you. Basically being selfish in a relationship.

5. Storming out of an argument without an agreement to at least come back later for resolution

6. Not listening too and supporting your partner’ s ideas even if you don’t believe in them

7. Constantly talking smack about her family members. You knew who they were before you became involved with her and whether you like it or not, they are there to stay. Please remember that blood is thicker than water. That doesn’t mean you can’t voice an opinion occasionally, it just means don’t constantly rail on her family even if you are right. You’ll plant a seed in her that may grow into a thorn bush.

8. Not taking your time in bed with her to allow her to grab a piece of heaven. Men want quick affection, sex, and security with a woman. And then we want the space and relaxed distance. Women want space and relaxed distance. THEN they want affection, sex, and a build-up of trust and security.

9. Not learning to be emotionally available. Women aren’t asking you to stop being a man, just talk about who you are, where you came from, past history and future dreams.) If this is hard for you, seek help or join a group.

Counseling can be difficult for men. It is traditionally based on talking and sharing. These are more conducive for women. But there are male counselors out there and you don’t have to go to just anyone. You have the power of choice. Going to counseling is not a sign of weakness. Not going is more a sign of weakness, because you are avoiding the real problems and stand to lose your love relationship.

Also there are another mistakes that a men should avoid:

* Never tell any woman that she has put on weight, even if you think it only makes her sexier, keep silent. Most women are fiercely fighting against extra pounds - they are dieting, taking pills, and work out until they faint.

* Don’t nag at her for spending the whole day and a fortune in a beauty parlor. For girls a new hairstyle or fresh manicure symbolizes a new life.

* Never criticize her cooking skills, even in the most delicate way (”My mom usually adds eggs in the pancake batter”). Your mom has nothing to do with your relationship.

* Never praise another woman’s looks if your girlfriend is around. Beware that the mere fact that divas of this caliber exist on the same planet makes the life of every woman miserable. Your girlfriend is concerned about her body, no matter how perfect she seems to you.

* Don’t take your girlfriend to a soccer (hockey, golf, etc.) tournament. She will either sit there bored and ruin your fun, or will get to like the sport and in no time she will know more about soccer (hockey, golf, etc.) than you do, which will piss you off eventually. This way she will deprive you of one of our main guys’ pleasures.

* In most of relationships both partners try to avoid conflicts .Conflict includes such examples as arguments, differences, and variances. The Truth is, we are all different. That’s what makes each one of us special. But, sometimes we try to avoid our partner. This is much like number one on the list but is more keenly felt by the partner. Worst is that we blame others (or other things) and deny our own self-responsibility. When we avoid responsibility, we typically express it as blaming others, usually our partner, and try to make them change and conform. This is a form of manipulation and an avoidance of Self. Many of us refuse to get help.

If you had the methods and the tools to keep your relationship alive, loving and healthy you don’t need any advices but if not you should avoid this mistakes.

Need help from an expert? Meet the man who has been on Opera and has helped thousands in their relationships. Click here

Are you giving love to your partner for the joy of giving, or are you giving to get love?

I received the following email on this topic, asking for my help:

“Hi, my name is Adam. I am living with my parents and I’m thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there are some things that make me feel upset, and I don’t really know what to do. I love her but she doesn’t seem to be the person she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These periods last for about 4 - 5 days. During these times she seems more distant and our sex life just stops. This makes me frustrated because for the past year I have been working so hard to try and make her feel better when she feels bad. I thought that it was working but now it seems nothing I do works. I miss the old times because she kissed me randomly all day and it made me feel so loved and wanted. She would hold me, and tell me great things. It was like a fantasy. Now, I’m lucky if she kisses me at least once in about 3 hours. I actually start all of the kissing. I start all of the holding. It feels like I have to start everything.

Mainly at times it feels like she just wants me as a friend. She doesn’t make me feel loved or wanted. My feelings about this come and go mainly around the times when she feels bad. But these feelings also come around sometimes when she is not feeling bad.

I just don’t have a clue what to do, and I need some help.”

Adam is giving to get. He wants control over getting Patty to validate his worth and fill him up. He is fine as long as Patty is having sex with him and kissing him a lot and making him feel “loved and wanted.” But, because Adam is not doing anything to make himself feel loved and wanted, he is addicted to Patty doing this. He is not giving his love to Patty from a full place inside, a place inside filled with love. Instead, he is empty inside and hopes that if he “works hard” and is nice to Patty, he can have control over getting her to fill his empty hole. As a result, Patty feels pulled on to take responsibility for Adam’s wellbeing, and becomes upset and distant in the face of the pull. She is getting turned off to Adam and just wants him as a friend because his neediness is not attractive to her. When sex is a way for Adam to get validated - rather than an expression of his love - Patty will feel used rather than loved. when they have sex.

Nothing will change in this relationship until Adam decides to learn how to take responsibility for his own good feelings rather than expect Patty to do it for him. Patty wants him to come to her as a powerful and secure man, not as a needy little boy needing her constant kisses to feel okay about himself.

Adam needs to take his eyes off how Patty is treating him and instead focus on how he is treating himself and Patty. He needs to open to learning about what he is telling himself and how he is treating himself that is causing his emptiness and neediness. He needs to stop being a victim of Patty’s behavior and instead focus within on what he needs to do for himself, for the little boy within him that wants love and attention. He would have love to share with Patty if he were to focus on giving himself love and attention and on making himself happy, instead of trying to make Patty happy in the hopes that she will make him happy. As it is, he is just trying to get love - giving to get.

Adam is coming from a very common false belief – that our best feelings come from being loved and desired. The truth is that our best feelings come from being loving to ourselves and to others. Adam won’t know this until he decides to change his intention from trying to have control over getting love to learning about being loving.

Need help from an expert? Meet the man who has been on Opera and has helped thousands in their relationships. Click here

Contrary to most conventional wisdom, it°s not your looks, your money, your job or even your luck, that’s going to land you that great relationship, and keep it sizzling. No, the secret is all in your attitude.

Here are my Six Essential Secrets For “Flowing” Relationships

1. Stop competing with each other! Good relationships are all about being on the same side. What’s the purpose in scoring all those points? Sure you may cross the finish line first today, and maybe tomorrow as well. But you’ll be all alone when you do, and if you carry on this way, eventually you may not have anyone left in your life to compete with! So stop competing; stop player-hating; start concentrating on crossing that finish line as part of a winning team.

2. Listen, communicate and hear! One of my favorite parts of my great relationship period, is to sit and chat with my wife. We talk about big stuff, and small stuff; share plans and pains, and each of us engages with what the other is saying. We never use silence as a weapon, and we never go to bed mad. Master the simple art of real conversation, and your relationship is halfway home!

3. Understand a relationship is not about “ownership. “This is probably the most common personal problem I come across. Possessiveness and jealousy are two of the most destructive of all human forces. Very few relationships will survive the poison of this twin-horned devil. Let it go!

4. Pay yourself first every day! The most important relationship of all is the one you have with yourself! That means taking care of your body, mind and spirit every single day. It’s simply called self-respect. I can guarantee you, that if you don’t care for yourself, then few others will. Why should they? If you’ve already demonstrated your own low self-esteem, who am I, or anyone else, to argue with that? Take care of yourself first each day, in order to be strong enough to take care of the people you care about.

5. Put the romance back! You just can’t beat it. A romantic gesture says: “At this moment, I am thinking 100% of you, and your needs, and I want to do everything I can to please you.” It also says a great deal about your own self-esteem. You’d be amazed how many people are motivated to make romantic gestures because of the praise they’ll receive, not the pleasure they’ll give. That isn’t romance, its selfish. Learn to discern. Become a Master of Romance. It’ll spice up your life!

6. Learn how to bend, but never so far that you snap. Relationships are all about give and take. It’s OK to bend with the wind sometimes. That’s the nature of the dance. But it’s not OK to bow over so far, so often, and so low, that you get worn down, weaken and snap. Learn how much to give, how much to take, and when to walk away.

Need help from an expert? Meet the man who has been on Opera and has helped thousands in their relationships. Click here

Do your feel that marriage is getting on top of you? If you feel the only answer is to break free, relationship advice for men will help you see things from a different perspective. It doesn’t take a lot to improve your marriage in fact it’s the little things that make a difference.

Some men get it right at the outset but so often get too comfortable in a relationship and are oblivious to the advice that little gestures still count. They get to the stage where they feel that little things are too insignificant in the scheme of things, lose focus or just get so wrapped up with life that they can’t be bothered. Nothing in this life is for free, relationships are no different they have to be worked at.

For women to feel fulfilled they need to feel loved, it is rare for a woman not to want and need those small gestures. How often do you hear women moaning to their friends or colleagues about the insensitivity of their husband, how he doesn’t understand her, puts no thought into the gifts he buys, if he buys any, or just doesn’t seem to care. If you did a survey how many women would say that they feel they are just taken for granted……

Remember, nothing in this life if for free, my relationship advice for men is take care of your partner, show that you love her, take time to understand her, appreciate her and encourage her, don’t take her for granted.

Those little gestures make a real difference, the hug when you get home at night, the kiss when you see each other, the odd gift and showing interest in her day.

Show respect for your partner:

• Listen to her, respect her point of view.
• Don’t bulldoze her into your way of thinking.
• Don’t assume you’re above doing all those boring household tasks. Do you think your wife really enjoys them??
• Offer to help, don’t wait to be asked.
• Encourage your wife and support her in anything she wants to do.
• Put your partner and your relationship first.
• Don’t just think of your own needs when lovemaking.
• Don’t cheat on your spouse.

Marriage is a partnership, a two way street, don’t assume that it can work with all the effort coming from one side. Don’t run, don’t try and break free, follow relationship advice that has been tried and tested. Think about little gestures and which will be right for your wife. I can’t tell you exactly what to do, people are different and appreciate different things, but I can point you in the right direction. Saving your marriage is now down to you.

Get involved in your marriage, don’t sit on the edge and look in. Show that you care, pay compliments, offer to help, plan surprises, respond when she talks to you and show an interest in what she does. Notice when your wife is tired or upset, tell her you love her, show her you love her, treat her in the same way as you did when you first went out.

You have sought relationship advice, don’t just go away and carry on doing things as you are now, really think about how you used to treat your wife, before you were married, she hasn’t changed she is still the same person underneath and will still appreciate the same things.

Those little things in life really do make a big difference.

Need help from an expert? Meet the man who has been on Opera and has helped thousands in their relationships. Click here