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Even the closest couples these days (with the rare, happy exceptions of those who work together) spend more awake time apart in their separate careers than they do together. The individual you are at work, no matter what career you pursue, is very different than the person you are within your romantic relationship.

That is why everyone loves company parties: coworkers get the chance to see the spouses or dates of everyone else. It is frequently a real shock to get a glimpse into a fellow worker’s private life - the domineering manager who consistently defers to their quiet spouse, or the mousy little file clerk who clearly dominates her extraordinarily handsome lover.

Closeness with your partner can be deepened by taking the time to share your daily activities. We often assume that our significant others aren’t really interested in our work life. To the contrary, when we love someone, we want to be part of their everything. We want to vicariously live in our loved one’s world, hear what they did, who else was present, what kind of work relationships they enjoy. We want to know the gossip that’s flying around, We want them to describe their coworkers and their assessment of the people and events in which they are involved.

Set aside a half hour every day for each of you to discuss what happened that day. Pass along jokes and anything unusual that occurred. If you use e-mail in your work, forward funny and interesting exchanges on to your mate - it will feel as if you are genuinely in each other’s life quite apart from the actual time you spend together.

If your days are filled with meetings, print out your calendar and show it to your spouse, briefly highlighting each meeting that occurred. If you answer telephones all day, make a quick note of funny or touching calls you receive so that you can review them later. If you work on a production floor, keep your eyes and ears open for interesting tidbits of conversation you can share.

So often, we only mention the negative aspects of work job, bitching to our mate about a difficult supervisor or a lazy coworker. Strive to share positive feelings about your job also. Not only will it intensify your sense of participating in each other’s lives, it will avoid that tendency to grow apart as we forget to focus on our most important partnership because we are too busy heading in too many directions.

If one of you doesn’t work outside the home due to retirement, disability, or family responsibilities, some activities still filled your day - share them freely with the only person in your life who is as interested in you as you are.

 

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A good portion of the enjoyment of a pleasant date is in the anticipation. We have a date for Friday night and we think about it throughout the week. We think about what we will wear, where we’ll go, what we’ll eat, what we’ll say and do. We plan on how long it will take to get ready and whether we’ll need to leave work a few minutes early.

When we enter a relationship, we stop dating. We see each other, of course, much more than we did in our dating days. At the onset of living together, we still have that sense of anticipation before seeing that beloved face. We hurry home to the most important person in our little world.

After years together, we become used to the routine. We may enjoy seeing our significant other as much as ever but the exhilarating anticipation has become normalized. We have become habituated to the lives together we have created.

We need to start dating again. We need to create special events that we can look forward to with keen relish. Thinks about when you last took a vacation or a pleasure trip. The days and weeks leading up to it were times of mounting excitement and planning; we saw it in our mind’s eye long before it took place. After it was over, we enjoyed remembering the things we had seen and done, secretly smiling at the fun we’d had and the free feelings we had experienced.

The same spirit-boosting results can be obtained, to a lesser degree but with more frequency, in planning small events with our partner.

A lunch or dinner date at a special place can be something we look forward to for a long happy week. A date to go bowling, or dancing, or golfing, can be set up several days in advance. Plan on when you are going to see that special movie or attend a concert.

An event simply needs to be special, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Plan a visit to the fast food chain where you had your first date. Take visits to local hotels to see which ones have the best free hors d’oevres at happy hour. Meet at a museum or an art gallery for a stroll together.

Send your honey a special invitation by card or e-mail. Advise that no “regrets” will be acceptable. Prepare for the date as carefully as if it was your first meeting and be on your best behavior as you were in that delicious dance of courtship.

When your friends question why you are in such a good mood lately, just smile and tell them that your life is so special that there’s no time left to be grumpy.

 

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No matter how close we are to our partner, no matter how strong the bond and the mutual likes and dislikes, there are always little things that we do that “bug” our greatest audience. Too often, such personal habits are only discussed in the middle of a heated argument when they are hurled like missiles “And another thing, you always . . .”

Defuse the potential for discord by setting aside time every month or so to sit down and discuss such disconnects objectively and with a lot of good humor. While our tendency is to assure our loved one that there is absolutely nothing they do that we would want to change, there is always something. By concentrating on the irritating action itself, we can avoid criticizing the other as a person, or letting our emotions blow little transgressions into tornados.

Start small with things that only mildly “push your buttons.” Such things as leaving the toilet seat up, dropping wet towels on the bathroom floor, always taking a fresh glass for morning juice, or leaving piles of clothes in the corner - all of these can be annoying but are hardly make-or-break aspects of your union.

For every “bugs me” behavior identified, see if you can figure out together how the situation can be resolved. Maybe one of you can agree to watch yourself carefully and try to avoid the activity all together. Maybe one of you can become more flexible and allow for personal quirks to remain without the buildup of underlying resentment.

Make a game of monitoring each other. A cue word or phrase (”mayday”; “boytoy”; “bingo”; “who let the dogs out?”) can alert the partner in a humorous, non-threatening way and avoid a defensive response.

If two people care for each other, they will genuinely try to avoid irritating or disturbing each other but because two people will never be in total sync, it is important to develop a tolerance for each other’s flaws and foibles.

In the midst of our ever-busy lives, we try to concentrate on too much at once. Our time becomes so engaged on the problems and challenges of a demanding world that we forget or ignore the little things that our loved one does for us, simply because they care.

So end your discussion of annoying habits and possible solutions by also taking the time to review what things the other person has done that made you feel wonderful - the call to let you know they are running late, the coffee in bed on a Sunday morning, or how grateful you are that your partner handled your son’s school problems so well.

You should be able to walk away from your discussion with an upbeat feeling, secure in the knowledge that fate has dealt you the greatest card in the pack: an honest and thoroughly enjoyable union with the most wonderful person you have ever known.

 

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A common expression is “I’ll meet you halfway,” and we often take that attitude into our marriage. I hear frequent complaints from couples in trouble that their partner isn’t pulling their fair weight, that one is giving more than the other.

Whoever determined that life is a 50-50 proposition?

Some give more than others. Some take more than others. On every level of society from politics to business to social interactions, there are discrepancies of effort, economics, and emotions.

Going into a relationship with the expectation that contributions will be fairly shared is to court disaster. Over a span of time, a certain amount of evenness will develop through a process of give-and-take and ups-and-downs. But at any specific point, one may be giving while the other needs to just take for a while.

We all need to enter the most important relationship of our life with the foreknowledge and determined commitment to give 100%. Once we have internalized that concept, we can avoid the painful feelings we get when we think we are being cheated of our just rewards. If the relationship is healthy, and both partners are committed to the 100% investment, eventually it will work out somewhere in the middle -probably never 50-50 but somewhere in the broad bell curve of averages: 30% to 70%. At different times, the equation adjusts as careers, children, and other responsibilities change.

If you are the individual giving 70% and your other half is falling a little short, remember that you swore to give 100% so you are much better off than you expected.

Can you see how such thinking changes the framework of your marriage? You’re not getting cheated, you’re getting much more support than your original bargain called for!

You can use this new attitude in any aspect of your partnership. Many couples develop resentment over their relative monetary contributions. If you have the initial anticipation of being the sole breadwinner, then any contribution by the other, however small, is a great big bonus. If you enter the union with the expectation that you will handle all the cleaning and parenting chores required, then anything done by your partner is a plus.

If one of you handles your mutual social obligations, then the participation of your spouse, even if limited to just showing up and being there, is more than you expected. You may feel, as many of my patients do, that you are not getting the support and good strokes that you deserve. Reframe the sense of deprivation within the 100% concept and you find that even occasional support and positive feedback is an unexpected gift.

We all need to feel loved and appreciated and cherished. We also need to give love and appreciation to others. If we give more than we get, we can harbor anger at our being cheated or we can love and appreciate our own selves for having a greater capacity to give.

This one single change in your outlook towards your relationship can transform the hidden resentments that result in nagging, negativity, and verbal putdowns into a deep satisfaction that leads to overt affection, positive support, and mutual respect.

 

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Human beings are social creatures; in our day to day lives we are constantly meeting and interacting with people, and creating relationships with them. Fathers, mother, sibling, friend, lover, co-worker, subordinate – These are just a few examples of relationships which are common to people across the globe. While some of us are really good with maintaining these relationships, others are want for improvement. It is a fact that not all our relationships can be called successful, some might be disconcerting and dissatisfying while yet others could be downright disastrous. We all realize at some point in time that we need to review our own attitudes towards our relationships; while we might start out with noble intentions of bringing about positive change, we might not always succeed. An external intervention, something which can guide you through the trials and tribulations of a relationship can help a great deal. Hypnotherapy for relationships is one such intervention, and it has proven to be really effective time and time again.

Relationships are what our lives are made of, and happy relationships make for a happy and satisfied life. But this satisfaction eludes us frequently when we fail to carry through a relationship. Possessiveness, insecurity, communication barriers, ego hassles, overdependence, and infidelity are some of the problems which can arise in the relationships we share with other people. How could hypnotherapy for relationships help you address these issues? It all starts with a simple thought. By realizing that there is room for improvement in your relationship, you have already taken the first step towards making it better. Hypnotherapy for relationships basically targets the way you think, and your perception of other people. It works towards redesigning your attitude, because it is your attitude towards people that makes the most amount of difference.

Once you have started work on your subconscious mind, through the route of hypnotherapy for relationships, you will find yourself to become calmer and relaxed. Hypnotherapy teaches you to be more stable in your responses, as it smoothens out the rough edges from your reactions. Let’s say that you chose hypnotherapy for relationships to deal with the problem of insecurity in your relationship; through auto suggestions to your subconscious mind, hypnotherapy will work towards increasing your confidence and changing your self image. It will also work upon your phobias and fear, and replace it with positive thinking. Once you start experiencing a change in yourself, you will notice that your partner/companion is also reacting to you in a more positive fashion. This is because you have altered your perspective, and now have the ability to empathize with the other person; it also means that hypnotherapy has helped you in becoming more relaxed. Your partner can sense this, and subconsciously will react to this change in a favorable manner.

Hypnotherapy for relationships can help you communicate better, and effective communication is the key to any successful relationship, isn’t it?

 

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If you think being steady and uniform in your behavior, will keep your woman happy, think again. By being unvarying and regular, you are merely telling her how good a husband and a father you might be! Now that is definitely a premature signal, during your dating days, because you are truly giving the wrong signal at the wrong time. To invoke intensity and fervor in your relationship, secret lies in being unpredictable. Never let the cat out of the bag, as to your true intentions. Because normal is boring, in dating terms.

Here are some purposeful confusing signals:

• Be a wizard with numbers – narrate her cell number beginning backwards! Ensure she knows your numbers too. But surprise surprise! Pretend to have forgotten her contact details, ask for it again.

• Act distant and unapproachable on a date. Look through her at times, without being rude or impolite. Pretend your mind is somewhere else.

• Women love to be surprised. Appear suddenly at places and times, when she least expects you. Give a bear hug, kiss her, when she is least prepared, and then move on to do something else completely different.

• Compliment her on her dress that day, only to change your opinion later. Basic idea is to appear inconsistent.

• Sometimes do things which she least expects you to do. Like going for a kid film together or dining at a restaurant, which she did not even know existed. Outbid her assumptions at every step.

Such conflicting and inconsistent behavioral traits stimulate a woman, and display your erratic and mercurial temperament. But let’s not do this too frequently, or she might get the impression that you are some sort of loony that she has landed up with. Act a little mad, but not totally mad. So that you emerge as an otherwise dependable and trustworthy companion.

The secret behind creating magic in any dating relationship is generating a healthy blend of contradictions. Acting close as well as distant, being decisive as well as vacillating, getting romantic and suddenly playing aloof, all goes to create those magical moments, we all yearn for. Playing hide and seek so to speak, will help you not only attract women but keep them consistently attracted. The best example that comes to my mind is a tight-rope walker in a circus arena. He is extremely careful on that rope while walking, neither too fast nor too slow, because either way he falls down. If you watch closely he appears inconsistent while walking, but look closer, there is a method in his madness.

Similarly, if you have tried to walk with a cup of hot coffee brimming up to the edges, you try and adjust your pace, to prevent it from splashing over your arm. You do not walk at a uniform pace; you keep adjusting it all the way till you reach your destination. Your inconsistency in the dating game, acts very much the same way, keeping the cup of passion full, without any spillage, till you reach your determined goal.

 

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