It is indeed a lifetime commitment for us. Whatever age bracket we belong to or experience in life our relationship will encounter new and demanding challenges. For us to meet these challenges, we should develop flexible skills and better understanding. And there are different types of relationship. The relationship of a couple is perhaps the most important in our society.

It is the primary relationship in the life of the people. It is the basic unit of society. Some relationships are basically sexual. All relationship that are healthy and good are based on mutual respect and can communicate effectively to each other.

But we cannot deny the fact that there will always be problems in the relationship later on. Now the question is how are we going to solve the problems? And that will be the role of relationship counseling. It will guide us to make the right decision. The role of the counselor is not give the solution but to lead us in the process of decision making. This is in contrast with the role of an adviser wherein he is expected to give a definite decision by the concerned individual.

Relationship counseling will give us new outlook and helpful alternatives. The counseling itself will equip us updated methods and way in order to face life`s challenges. In the counseling process, the couple will be given time to express their needs and fears and later on they will decide wisely whatever ill feelings and misunderstanding. It helps in the removal of hindrances for an intimate relationship. Conflicts are easily resolved by both parties. The skills in communicating are enhanced. Relationships are very much improved. People at present are very effective in communicating their thoughts and ideas. They could respond to situations instead of criticizing and complaining. Differences of ideas and beliefs are discussed instead of destroying the reputation of the other person.

The parties involved in the relationship must be aware of their behavior in order to know how the relationship is affected. Let us remember that the main concern of relationship counseling is about the relationship. Relationship is actually is put to the test most of the time. We have a wounded relationship. That is the reason why relationship is taken as a patient to be cured and fixed. Relationship counseling is centered on how both parties answer the different issues they are supposed to face. There are some of them who do not respond, while others respond effectively. The good of the relationship is the primary concern for some people, while others do not bother.

If we are going to undergo relationship counseling, then what are some of the things we could learn as and individual and a couple? We could mention a lot of them.

As an individual

• We will be able to discover a healthy relationship.
• Improvement of one’s relationship.
• We will be able to know what is needed in a relationship.
• Knowing the obstacles of being close and committed.
• Be able to make the relationship full of life, healthy and more fun.

As a couple

• Acquire a relationship that is full of love and fulfillment.
• Be able to discuss the reasons why we have relationship problems
• Able to end conflicts in a healthy manner.
• Able to resolve issues in relation to commitment.
• To have more intimacy and enjoyment in the relationship

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I grabbed a book that I had wanted to finish for a while, strapped on my seatbelt as it were, and got ready for some serious, uninterrupted reading.

Except there was one little problem…

My wife and daughter grabbed a book they “said” they were going to read together. And for the next hour and a half that we spent on the lawn, they were both up and down, in and out of the house, giggling, laughing, playing, getting this, getting that, teasing each other, and in general, fooling around. If doubt they read 10 lines of text the whole time.

Now on my end, I’m wanting to read my book and so I found myself starting to feel a little bit aggravated. My focus was on reading and anything that interrupted me or distracted me from my reading was a nuisance and an irritant.

In fact, I went so far as to say to them, “You girls aren’t getting much reading done are you?”

It was their look of puzzlement, that look at me as if I was from outer-space or some foreign place that caused me to remember that which I already knew…

Females are focused on relating. And anything that interrupts them or distracts them from their relating is a nuisance and an irritant.

And therein lies the “rub”. Men are focused on the “doing” while the women are focused on “connecting”.

So how do you improve your relationship with your wife?

Of course, there are many answers to this question, but pertaining to this article, the way to improve your relationship with your wife is to force yourself to set aside whatever it is that you are “doing”.

Totally forget about “doing” anything and instead focus on the “connecting” and “relating” that she’s wanting.

Realize that whatever the “doing” part is supposed to be is really nothing more than a platform upon which she wants to “connect” and “relate”.

But be warned, if you take time “connect” and “relate” to and with her, she might end up “doing” you if you get my drift…

Happily, that’s exactly what happened to me.

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We all start our new relationships with hopes, dreams, and wonderful aspirations. But oftentimes, we see couples, or in our own relationships, where things turn sour. What can be done to keep a relationship strong and joyous?

Avoid this common mistakes.

1. Not investing enough time in your relationship

2. “Housework” is not just for women. You can learn how to do laundry, vacuum the house and wash the dishes if you haven’t learned in the past.

3. Your partner is NOT your Mom and is not responsible to help you remember what it takes to keep harmony and peace in your relationship.

4. Thinking everything is about you and for you. Basically being selfish in a relationship.

5. Storming out of an argument without an agreement to at least come back later for resolution

6. Not listening too and supporting your partner’ s ideas even if you don’t believe in them

7. Constantly talking smack about her family members. You knew who they were before you became involved with her and whether you like it or not, they are there to stay. Please remember that blood is thicker than water. That doesn’t mean you can’t voice an opinion occasionally, it just means don’t constantly rail on her family even if you are right. You’ll plant a seed in her that may grow into a thorn bush.

8. Not taking your time in bed with her to allow her to grab a piece of heaven. Men want quick affection, sex, and security with a woman. And then we want the space and relaxed distance. Women want space and relaxed distance. THEN they want affection, sex, and a build-up of trust and security.

9. Not learning to be emotionally available. Women aren’t asking you to stop being a man, just talk about who you are, where you came from, past history and future dreams.) If this is hard for you, seek help or join a group.

Counseling can be difficult for men. It is traditionally based on talking and sharing. These are more conducive for women. But there are male counselors out there and you don’t have to go to just anyone. You have the power of choice. Going to counseling is not a sign of weakness. Not going is more a sign of weakness, because you are avoiding the real problems and stand to lose your love relationship.

Also there are another mistakes that a men should avoid:

* Never tell any woman that she has put on weight, even if you think it only makes her sexier, keep silent. Most women are fiercely fighting against extra pounds - they are dieting, taking pills, and work out until they faint.

* Don’t nag at her for spending the whole day and a fortune in a beauty parlor. For girls a new hairstyle or fresh manicure symbolizes a new life.

* Never criticize her cooking skills, even in the most delicate way (”My mom usually adds eggs in the pancake batter”). Your mom has nothing to do with your relationship.

* Never praise another woman’s looks if your girlfriend is around. Beware that the mere fact that divas of this caliber exist on the same planet makes the life of every woman miserable. Your girlfriend is concerned about her body, no matter how perfect she seems to you.

* Don’t take your girlfriend to a soccer (hockey, golf, etc.) tournament. She will either sit there bored and ruin your fun, or will get to like the sport and in no time she will know more about soccer (hockey, golf, etc.) than you do, which will piss you off eventually. This way she will deprive you of one of our main guys’ pleasures.

* In most of relationships both partners try to avoid conflicts .Conflict includes such examples as arguments, differences, and variances. The Truth is, we are all different. That’s what makes each one of us special. But, sometimes we try to avoid our partner. This is much like number one on the list but is more keenly felt by the partner. Worst is that we blame others (or other things) and deny our own self-responsibility. When we avoid responsibility, we typically express it as blaming others, usually our partner, and try to make them change and conform. This is a form of manipulation and an avoidance of Self. Many of us refuse to get help.

If you had the methods and the tools to keep your relationship alive, loving and healthy you don’t need any advices but if not you should avoid this mistakes.

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There are few websites that offer tests and quizzes. Attempt all the quizzes on relationships and find out your answers. Ask your mate to do the same and find the answers. Compare your answers and try to find questions that were answered differently by both of you. That will tell you something about the areas your relationship may encounter friction.

The tests will serve another purpose. That is to raise questions in your mind. For example if a test question wants to know if you are satisfied with your mate’s attention to you and you answer yes, but still think if the answer is correct? The questions asked in a test will give you a lot to think about. Discuss the tests with your mate and find out how your views are same and different. This will give you both a long list of questions to talk about with each other.

This exercise must be carried out in an atmosphere of good will and care for each other. Such an exercise can help you find a lot about your relationship and how your mate looks at you. Normally we don’t tell each other that we don’t like a certain habit of our mate. But when we answer that question in a quiz, our opinions will become clear to our mate and without any rancor, we manage to send the message. Quizzes and tests give us an opportunity at no cost to strengthen our relationship.

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I received the following email on this topic, asking for my help:

“Hi, my name is Adam. I am living with my parents and I’m thinking of moving out with my girlfriend Patty. But there are some things that make me feel upset, and I don’t really know what to do. I love her but she doesn’t seem to be the person she was. At times she feels bad and upset. These periods last for about 4 - 5 days. During these times she seems more distant and our sex life just stops. This makes me frustrated because for the past year I have been working so hard to try and make her feel better when she feels bad. I thought that it was working but now it seems nothing I do works. I miss the old times because she kissed me randomly all day and it made me feel so loved and wanted. She would hold me, and tell me great things. It was like a fantasy. Now, I’m lucky if she kisses me at least once in about 3 hours. I actually start all of the kissing. I start all of the holding. It feels like I have to start everything.

Mainly at times it feels like she just wants me as a friend. She doesn’t make me feel loved or wanted. My feelings about this come and go mainly around the times when she feels bad. But these feelings also come around sometimes when she is not feeling bad.

I just don’t have a clue what to do, and I need some help.”

Adam is giving to get. He wants control over getting Patty to validate his worth and fill him up. He is fine as long as Patty is having sex with him and kissing him a lot and making him feel “loved and wanted.” But, because Adam is not doing anything to make himself feel loved and wanted, he is addicted to Patty doing this. He is not giving his love to Patty from a full place inside, a place inside filled with love. Instead, he is empty inside and hopes that if he “works hard” and is nice to Patty, he can have control over getting her to fill his empty hole. As a result, Patty feels pulled on to take responsibility for Adam’s wellbeing, and becomes upset and distant in the face of the pull. She is getting turned off to Adam and just wants him as a friend because his neediness is not attractive to her. When sex is a way for Adam to get validated - rather than an expression of his love - Patty will feel used rather than loved. when they have sex.

Nothing will change in this relationship until Adam decides to learn how to take responsibility for his own good feelings rather than expect Patty to do it for him. Patty wants him to come to her as a powerful and secure man, not as a needy little boy needing her constant kisses to feel okay about himself.

Adam needs to take his eyes off how Patty is treating him and instead focus on how he is treating himself and Patty. He needs to open to learning about what he is telling himself and how he is treating himself that is causing his emptiness and neediness. He needs to stop being a victim of Patty’s behavior and instead focus within on what he needs to do for himself, for the little boy within him that wants love and attention. He would have love to share with Patty if he were to focus on giving himself love and attention and on making himself happy, instead of trying to make Patty happy in the hopes that she will make him happy. As it is, he is just trying to get love - giving to get.

Adam is coming from a very common false belief – that our best feelings come from being loved and desired. The truth is that our best feelings come from being loving to ourselves and to others. Adam won’t know this until he decides to change his intention from trying to have control over getting love to learning about being loving.

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A person can express love in many ways. When a person puts his arms around the shoulder of his loved one, he shows affection for the person. There are also times that lovers look at each other and at that instant. They can feel that they love each other even without saying, “I love you”.

The experience of being cared explains that the person is loved. Knowing that the person is so important to him, and he needs him to survive. Love may be expressed through words and through action. Although many say that action actions speak louder than voice, where a person mostly expresses his love to a person is by letting the person feel the affection that is given to him.

Others may see it as very important ingredient for the existence of life. Many may see and feel loved in small ways. A person who loves a girl may call on the phone many even without something important to say. He just wants to hear the voice of his girl and misses his loved one already. There are acts of love that can show affection through physical contact like when a person hugs him because he wants to feel protected and cared.

Sometimes a short hug may not be enough for other people. They may not want to let go because they feel so great in hugging add to it the eye contact that explains everything. There is that mutual understanding that those two persons love each other and cannot get enough of each other. He knows that he is so special to that person because he is always there for the person no matter what the problem is.

It can even be embarrassing at times when the person cannot help himself but kiss the person that he loves in front of many people. A kiss can be a more sensual display of love and affection. There is intimacy especially when the kiss is initiated in the lips. Most people that are totally in love to someone show their love to the person by the act of kissing.

A person can determine if he is truly loved by his loved one is when there is intimate display of affection and care. There are also those appreciative partners that always find time even when the partner is busy at work to see the one he loves. The show of interest to whatever he says and listens to the advices that his partner says could mean that he is important to him. These are only few ways where a person can show and feel love to a person.

Many people wishes that the love they are experiencing would last forever but there could be times that the love can fade and can get colder. Here are some tips on how to keep the spark alive and make that feeling last a lifetime:

1. There should be an allotted quality time for both lovers to cherish some special moments together. Remember those happy moments where he gave him a special token symbolizing their love to one another.

2. If the love was affected by the busy work and schedule, make time to meet her at least once a week. Make a schedule to date her on an exclusive restaurant. This will put some excitement every time the end of the week is nearing.

3. A person can make a love letter and start all over again the way he has courted the girl to win his heart. Make every moment together like the first meeting. Nothing can be sweeter than the first time a person hugs and kisses his loved one.

4. Promise one another that the love shared will be forever cherished. Think about the things that were very special. Be thoughtful and show the care that once was lost.

Love is the best feeling that a man can ever experienced. Make every second spent with the loved one special. Take the opportunity to love and be loved. It is a gift that should be cherished and last forever.

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Most of the relationships go through phases. In the beginning the relationship is full of care and love. The partners/spouses show extreme love and concern for each other. Till then they have not found out the differences. They crop up after some time. There are few ways the difference crop up. One may be expectations. The other may be- I am being used complex. The third may be- probably we are not right for each other. Let us find out how to bring a new life to the relationship that is suffering because of the problems I mentioned and other problems.

The first step is to stop complaining and begin thanking your partner. No one likes to hear complains every day. They also have their complains. Stop complaining and start saying Thanks for all that your partner does for you. You may say that there is nothing to thank for, but still try and find a reason to say -Thank you. That will bring immediate change and you will notice it.

The next step is to talk with your partners about his/her problems. Become a genuine friend and find out what is troubling them. That will make your partner feel that you are concerned. When you listen to their problems, you may find lot of truth in that. Try to do what ever you can to solve the problems and never let your partner feel lonely.

The third step is to begin saying I Love You in as many ways as possible. Let your partner feel the love again. This expression of love will bring the spark of affection back in your life.

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This is the phase of facing reality. The dream is over and the relationship enters a different phase. Both the lovers want to impose their will on each other. They do not give in easily to each other, but fight for their own point of view. What was once a very sweet voice now becomes a shrill demand. Blames are made and shocking changes occur in the affair.

This stage is a important stepping stone to a long term relationship. If the lovers can define their association, their rights and their need for each other at this stage and reach an agreement, they can grow into a very mature couple. Otherwise, with the romance getting finished, the lovers are left with nothing but broken hearts and disbelief. Communication and mutual understanding is the key to succeed after honeymoon.

Every relationship that is devoid of romantic assumptions demands co existence with respect for each other, need for each other, common goals and common values. If the couple can do that, they can proceed towards a long lasting relationship. If any of these is missing, there will be bickering all the time, and the relations will break after some time or continue with great pain for each other.

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Here are my Six Essential Secrets For “Flowing” Relationships

1. Stop competing with each other! Good relationships are all about being on the same side. What’s the purpose in scoring all those points? Sure you may cross the finish line first today, and maybe tomorrow as well. But you’ll be all alone when you do, and if you carry on this way, eventually you may not have anyone left in your life to compete with! So stop competing; stop player-hating; start concentrating on crossing that finish line as part of a winning team.

2. Listen, communicate and hear! One of my favorite parts of my great relationship period, is to sit and chat with my wife. We talk about big stuff, and small stuff; share plans and pains, and each of us engages with what the other is saying. We never use silence as a weapon, and we never go to bed mad. Master the simple art of real conversation, and your relationship is halfway home!

3. Understand a relationship is not about “ownership. “This is probably the most common personal problem I come across. Possessiveness and jealousy are two of the most destructive of all human forces. Very few relationships will survive the poison of this twin-horned devil. Let it go!

4. Pay yourself first every day! The most important relationship of all is the one you have with yourself! That means taking care of your body, mind and spirit every single day. It’s simply called self-respect. I can guarantee you, that if you don’t care for yourself, then few others will. Why should they? If you’ve already demonstrated your own low self-esteem, who am I, or anyone else, to argue with that? Take care of yourself first each day, in order to be strong enough to take care of the people you care about.

5. Put the romance back! You just can’t beat it. A romantic gesture says: “At this moment, I am thinking 100% of you, and your needs, and I want to do everything I can to please you.” It also says a great deal about your own self-esteem. You’d be amazed how many people are motivated to make romantic gestures because of the praise they’ll receive, not the pleasure they’ll give. That isn’t romance, its selfish. Learn to discern. Become a Master of Romance. It’ll spice up your life!

6. Learn how to bend, but never so far that you snap. Relationships are all about give and take. It’s OK to bend with the wind sometimes. That’s the nature of the dance. But it’s not OK to bow over so far, so often, and so low, that you get worn down, weaken and snap. Learn how much to give, how much to take, and when to walk away.

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Some men get it right at the outset but so often get too comfortable in a relationship and are oblivious to the advice that little gestures still count. They get to the stage where they feel that little things are too insignificant in the scheme of things, lose focus or just get so wrapped up with life that they can’t be bothered. Nothing in this life is for free, relationships are no different they have to be worked at.

For women to feel fulfilled they need to feel loved, it is rare for a woman not to want and need those small gestures. How often do you hear women moaning to their friends or colleagues about the insensitivity of their husband, how he doesn’t understand her, puts no thought into the gifts he buys, if he buys any, or just doesn’t seem to care. If you did a survey how many women would say that they feel they are just taken for granted……

Remember, nothing in this life if for free, my relationship advice for men is take care of your partner, show that you love her, take time to understand her, appreciate her and encourage her, don’t take her for granted.

Those little gestures make a real difference, the hug when you get home at night, the kiss when you see each other, the odd gift and showing interest in her day.

Show respect for your partner:

• Listen to her, respect her point of view.
• Don’t bulldoze her into your way of thinking.
• Don’t assume you’re above doing all those boring household tasks. Do you think your wife really enjoys them??
• Offer to help, don’t wait to be asked.
• Encourage your wife and support her in anything she wants to do.
• Put your partner and your relationship first.
• Don’t just think of your own needs when lovemaking.
• Don’t cheat on your spouse.

Marriage is a partnership, a two way street, don’t assume that it can work with all the effort coming from one side. Don’t run, don’t try and break free, follow relationship advice that has been tried and tested. Think about little gestures and which will be right for your wife. I can’t tell you exactly what to do, people are different and appreciate different things, but I can point you in the right direction. Saving your marriage is now down to you.

Get involved in your marriage, don’t sit on the edge and look in. Show that you care, pay compliments, offer to help, plan surprises, respond when she talks to you and show an interest in what she does. Notice when your wife is tired or upset, tell her you love her, show her you love her, treat her in the same way as you did when you first went out.

You have sought relationship advice, don’t just go away and carry on doing things as you are now, really think about how you used to treat your wife, before you were married, she hasn’t changed she is still the same person underneath and will still appreciate the same things.

Those little things in life really do make a big difference.

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