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Our lives are so busy that work and family responsibilities preclude very much quiet time with our mates. We are so weary when we finally fall into bed that we seldom take the time to really talk to each other or to nurture that specialness that is ours alone.

Look at your schedule and see where some quiet time together can be stolen from the world. If you needed to arrange an important meeting, you would make time. If you had a child in the hospital, you would most certainly make the time to spend hours there.

The time required doesn’t have to be huge. The commitment to make that time does. This is the most important person in your life, not someone to be relegated to a list, somewhere below a business requirement and the PTA.

Snatch an hour here and an hour there just to be alone with your love, nurturing the uniqueness of the two of you. Take the kids to their grandparents or get a babysitter. Turn off your blackberry and your cell phone.

You can use your uninterrupted time to do anything you enjoy. Take a walk, or a drive, and talk about yourselves. Play word games or trivia on the Internet, laughing and communicating with each other as you did when you were dating so long ago. Listen to music that was popular when you met and reminisce about the good old days.

Talk about movies you’ve seen, books you’ve read, sports, politics, or national events. Talk about plans for the future and how you see your lives together in a year, five years, ten. Talk about your problems and what you can do together to resolve them.

Plan when your next time together will be and what you are going to do. And do it.

 

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Even the closest couples these days (with the rare, happy exceptions of those who work together) spend more awake time apart in their separate careers than they do together. The individual you are at work, no matter what career you pursue, is very different than the person you are within your romantic relationship.

That is why everyone loves company parties: coworkers get the chance to see the spouses or dates of everyone else. It is frequently a real shock to get a glimpse into a fellow worker’s private life - the domineering manager who consistently defers to their quiet spouse, or the mousy little file clerk who clearly dominates her extraordinarily handsome lover.

Closeness with your partner can be deepened by taking the time to share your daily activities. We often assume that our significant others aren’t really interested in our work life. To the contrary, when we love someone, we want to be part of their everything. We want to vicariously live in our loved one’s world, hear what they did, who else was present, what kind of work relationships they enjoy. We want to know the gossip that’s flying around, We want them to describe their coworkers and their assessment of the people and events in which they are involved.

Set aside a half hour every day for each of you to discuss what happened that day. Pass along jokes and anything unusual that occurred. If you use e-mail in your work, forward funny and interesting exchanges on to your mate - it will feel as if you are genuinely in each other’s life quite apart from the actual time you spend together.

If your days are filled with meetings, print out your calendar and show it to your spouse, briefly highlighting each meeting that occurred. If you answer telephones all day, make a quick note of funny or touching calls you receive so that you can review them later. If you work on a production floor, keep your eyes and ears open for interesting tidbits of conversation you can share.

So often, we only mention the negative aspects of work job, bitching to our mate about a difficult supervisor or a lazy coworker. Strive to share positive feelings about your job also. Not only will it intensify your sense of participating in each other’s lives, it will avoid that tendency to grow apart as we forget to focus on our most important partnership because we are too busy heading in too many directions.

If one of you doesn’t work outside the home due to retirement, disability, or family responsibilities, some activities still filled your day - share them freely with the only person in your life who is as interested in you as you are.

 

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A good portion of the enjoyment of a pleasant date is in the anticipation. We have a date for Friday night and we think about it throughout the week. We think about what we will wear, where we’ll go, what we’ll eat, what we’ll say and do. We plan on how long it will take to get ready and whether we’ll need to leave work a few minutes early.

When we enter a relationship, we stop dating. We see each other, of course, much more than we did in our dating days. At the onset of living together, we still have that sense of anticipation before seeing that beloved face. We hurry home to the most important person in our little world.

After years together, we become used to the routine. We may enjoy seeing our significant other as much as ever but the exhilarating anticipation has become normalized. We have become habituated to the lives together we have created.

We need to start dating again. We need to create special events that we can look forward to with keen relish. Thinks about when you last took a vacation or a pleasure trip. The days and weeks leading up to it were times of mounting excitement and planning; we saw it in our mind’s eye long before it took place. After it was over, we enjoyed remembering the things we had seen and done, secretly smiling at the fun we’d had and the free feelings we had experienced.

The same spirit-boosting results can be obtained, to a lesser degree but with more frequency, in planning small events with our partner.

A lunch or dinner date at a special place can be something we look forward to for a long happy week. A date to go bowling, or dancing, or golfing, can be set up several days in advance. Plan on when you are going to see that special movie or attend a concert.

An event simply needs to be special, it doesn’t have to be expensive. Plan a visit to the fast food chain where you had your first date. Take visits to local hotels to see which ones have the best free hors d’oevres at happy hour. Meet at a museum or an art gallery for a stroll together.

Send your honey a special invitation by card or e-mail. Advise that no “regrets” will be acceptable. Prepare for the date as carefully as if it was your first meeting and be on your best behavior as you were in that delicious dance of courtship.

When your friends question why you are in such a good mood lately, just smile and tell them that your life is so special that there’s no time left to be grumpy.

 

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Ask anyone in a committed long-term union for the secret of their success. Almost always, one of the top three reasons cited is the ability to laugh together. No matter how big the problems, or how many the obstacles, they will be most effectively approached with a sense of humor and the teamwork that emerges from shared laughter and a mutually positive outlook.

While some fun costs money: an amusement park, a fine meal out, a trip to Vegas, or that hilarious new movie, there are many fun activities that don’t cost a dime. Give your partner the gift or being a slave for a week, including the requisite master or mistress verbiage, pulling your forelock, bowing or curtseying, and backing out of the room. The results can be very funny, especially if carried into public or in front of the kids.

Both of you call in sick to work and play hooky - hang out at the mall like truant high school sophomores. Spend some time coming up with totally outrageous excuses that you know you will never be able to deliver with a straight face. If it’s summer, wash the car, and each other, in the driveway. If it’s winter, have a snowball fight or walk in the rain. Walk along the beach or in the hills or stroll through town window shopping.

Watch television together: not the dreary news but old Seinfeld or Lucy reruns which are just as funny as when they were made. Search out joke sites on the Internet or spend some time at the drugstore just looking at funny greeting cards. Tell stories about things that happened to you before you met and reminisce about the fun times you’ve had since you first became an item.

Take a foreign language class at a local adult school and decide that you will only communicate in that language over dinner, if nothing else it will really polish your charades ability. Take an art class and laugh at your own ineptness with color and perspective. Take a bus or train ride and make up stories about the other passengers, Sing Kareoke and mutually laugh at the probable response your efforts would elicit if you auditioned for “American Idol.” Pretend you’ve just met and try out some stale pick up lines to see each other’s reaction.

Life is so short and there are so many problems that arise and challenges that must be faced. At times, we become overwhelmed by the responsibilities we must bear and the energy required to keep our lives on an even keel.

Deliberately establishing “recess” periods gives us a break from the daily grind. Just as children don’t learn well if they don’t have a chance to go out and play, adults need a recess too. It allows us to return to work re-energized and renewed. The more we practice it, the more frequent it will become. Most importantly, the play time with our partner intensifies our relationship and can keep our affection green and growing through the years ahead.

 

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No matter how close we are to our partner, no matter how strong the bond and the mutual likes and dislikes, there are always little things that we do that “bug” our greatest audience. Too often, such personal habits are only discussed in the middle of a heated argument when they are hurled like missiles “And another thing, you always . . .”

Defuse the potential for discord by setting aside time every month or so to sit down and discuss such disconnects objectively and with a lot of good humor. While our tendency is to assure our loved one that there is absolutely nothing they do that we would want to change, there is always something. By concentrating on the irritating action itself, we can avoid criticizing the other as a person, or letting our emotions blow little transgressions into tornados.

Start small with things that only mildly “push your buttons.” Such things as leaving the toilet seat up, dropping wet towels on the bathroom floor, always taking a fresh glass for morning juice, or leaving piles of clothes in the corner - all of these can be annoying but are hardly make-or-break aspects of your union.

For every “bugs me” behavior identified, see if you can figure out together how the situation can be resolved. Maybe one of you can agree to watch yourself carefully and try to avoid the activity all together. Maybe one of you can become more flexible and allow for personal quirks to remain without the buildup of underlying resentment.

Make a game of monitoring each other. A cue word or phrase (”mayday”; “boytoy”; “bingo”; “who let the dogs out?”) can alert the partner in a humorous, non-threatening way and avoid a defensive response.

If two people care for each other, they will genuinely try to avoid irritating or disturbing each other but because two people will never be in total sync, it is important to develop a tolerance for each other’s flaws and foibles.

In the midst of our ever-busy lives, we try to concentrate on too much at once. Our time becomes so engaged on the problems and challenges of a demanding world that we forget or ignore the little things that our loved one does for us, simply because they care.

So end your discussion of annoying habits and possible solutions by also taking the time to review what things the other person has done that made you feel wonderful - the call to let you know they are running late, the coffee in bed on a Sunday morning, or how grateful you are that your partner handled your son’s school problems so well.

You should be able to walk away from your discussion with an upbeat feeling, secure in the knowledge that fate has dealt you the greatest card in the pack: an honest and thoroughly enjoyable union with the most wonderful person you have ever known.

 

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A common expression is “I’ll meet you halfway,” and we often take that attitude into our marriage. I hear frequent complaints from couples in trouble that their partner isn’t pulling their fair weight, that one is giving more than the other.

Whoever determined that life is a 50-50 proposition?

Some give more than others. Some take more than others. On every level of society from politics to business to social interactions, there are discrepancies of effort, economics, and emotions.

Going into a relationship with the expectation that contributions will be fairly shared is to court disaster. Over a span of time, a certain amount of evenness will develop through a process of give-and-take and ups-and-downs. But at any specific point, one may be giving while the other needs to just take for a while.

We all need to enter the most important relationship of our life with the foreknowledge and determined commitment to give 100%. Once we have internalized that concept, we can avoid the painful feelings we get when we think we are being cheated of our just rewards. If the relationship is healthy, and both partners are committed to the 100% investment, eventually it will work out somewhere in the middle -probably never 50-50 but somewhere in the broad bell curve of averages: 30% to 70%. At different times, the equation adjusts as careers, children, and other responsibilities change.

If you are the individual giving 70% and your other half is falling a little short, remember that you swore to give 100% so you are much better off than you expected.

Can you see how such thinking changes the framework of your marriage? You’re not getting cheated, you’re getting much more support than your original bargain called for!

You can use this new attitude in any aspect of your partnership. Many couples develop resentment over their relative monetary contributions. If you have the initial anticipation of being the sole breadwinner, then any contribution by the other, however small, is a great big bonus. If you enter the union with the expectation that you will handle all the cleaning and parenting chores required, then anything done by your partner is a plus.

If one of you handles your mutual social obligations, then the participation of your spouse, even if limited to just showing up and being there, is more than you expected. You may feel, as many of my patients do, that you are not getting the support and good strokes that you deserve. Reframe the sense of deprivation within the 100% concept and you find that even occasional support and positive feedback is an unexpected gift.

We all need to feel loved and appreciated and cherished. We also need to give love and appreciation to others. If we give more than we get, we can harbor anger at our being cheated or we can love and appreciate our own selves for having a greater capacity to give.

This one single change in your outlook towards your relationship can transform the hidden resentments that result in nagging, negativity, and verbal putdowns into a deep satisfaction that leads to overt affection, positive support, and mutual respect.

 

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Human beings are social creatures; in our day to day lives we are constantly meeting and interacting with people, and creating relationships with them. Fathers, mother, sibling, friend, lover, co-worker, subordinate – These are just a few examples of relationships which are common to people across the globe. While some of us are really good with maintaining these relationships, others are want for improvement. It is a fact that not all our relationships can be called successful, some might be disconcerting and dissatisfying while yet others could be downright disastrous. We all realize at some point in time that we need to review our own attitudes towards our relationships; while we might start out with noble intentions of bringing about positive change, we might not always succeed. An external intervention, something which can guide you through the trials and tribulations of a relationship can help a great deal. Hypnotherapy for relationships is one such intervention, and it has proven to be really effective time and time again.

Relationships are what our lives are made of, and happy relationships make for a happy and satisfied life. But this satisfaction eludes us frequently when we fail to carry through a relationship. Possessiveness, insecurity, communication barriers, ego hassles, overdependence, and infidelity are some of the problems which can arise in the relationships we share with other people. How could hypnotherapy for relationships help you address these issues? It all starts with a simple thought. By realizing that there is room for improvement in your relationship, you have already taken the first step towards making it better. Hypnotherapy for relationships basically targets the way you think, and your perception of other people. It works towards redesigning your attitude, because it is your attitude towards people that makes the most amount of difference.

Once you have started work on your subconscious mind, through the route of hypnotherapy for relationships, you will find yourself to become calmer and relaxed. Hypnotherapy teaches you to be more stable in your responses, as it smoothens out the rough edges from your reactions. Let’s say that you chose hypnotherapy for relationships to deal with the problem of insecurity in your relationship; through auto suggestions to your subconscious mind, hypnotherapy will work towards increasing your confidence and changing your self image. It will also work upon your phobias and fear, and replace it with positive thinking. Once you start experiencing a change in yourself, you will notice that your partner/companion is also reacting to you in a more positive fashion. This is because you have altered your perspective, and now have the ability to empathize with the other person; it also means that hypnotherapy has helped you in becoming more relaxed. Your partner can sense this, and subconsciously will react to this change in a favorable manner.

Hypnotherapy for relationships can help you communicate better, and effective communication is the key to any successful relationship, isn’t it?

 

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If you think being steady and uniform in your behavior, will keep your woman happy, think again. By being unvarying and regular, you are merely telling her how good a husband and a father you might be! Now that is definitely a premature signal, during your dating days, because you are truly giving the wrong signal at the wrong time. To invoke intensity and fervor in your relationship, secret lies in being unpredictable. Never let the cat out of the bag, as to your true intentions. Because normal is boring, in dating terms.

Here are some purposeful confusing signals:

• Be a wizard with numbers – narrate her cell number beginning backwards! Ensure she knows your numbers too. But surprise surprise! Pretend to have forgotten her contact details, ask for it again.

• Act distant and unapproachable on a date. Look through her at times, without being rude or impolite. Pretend your mind is somewhere else.

• Women love to be surprised. Appear suddenly at places and times, when she least expects you. Give a bear hug, kiss her, when she is least prepared, and then move on to do something else completely different.

• Compliment her on her dress that day, only to change your opinion later. Basic idea is to appear inconsistent.

• Sometimes do things which she least expects you to do. Like going for a kid film together or dining at a restaurant, which she did not even know existed. Outbid her assumptions at every step.

Such conflicting and inconsistent behavioral traits stimulate a woman, and display your erratic and mercurial temperament. But let’s not do this too frequently, or she might get the impression that you are some sort of loony that she has landed up with. Act a little mad, but not totally mad. So that you emerge as an otherwise dependable and trustworthy companion.

The secret behind creating magic in any dating relationship is generating a healthy blend of contradictions. Acting close as well as distant, being decisive as well as vacillating, getting romantic and suddenly playing aloof, all goes to create those magical moments, we all yearn for. Playing hide and seek so to speak, will help you not only attract women but keep them consistently attracted. The best example that comes to my mind is a tight-rope walker in a circus arena. He is extremely careful on that rope while walking, neither too fast nor too slow, because either way he falls down. If you watch closely he appears inconsistent while walking, but look closer, there is a method in his madness.

Similarly, if you have tried to walk with a cup of hot coffee brimming up to the edges, you try and adjust your pace, to prevent it from splashing over your arm. You do not walk at a uniform pace; you keep adjusting it all the way till you reach your destination. Your inconsistency in the dating game, acts very much the same way, keeping the cup of passion full, without any spillage, till you reach your determined goal.

 

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Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very delicate things, that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials.

Building an effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management.

An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating.  An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.
 
People or other entities who depend on these groups or organization also suffer.
 
Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve  a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested, can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.
 
Understanding the other parties’ feeling and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them

Effective and efficient relationships require parties to openly express their feelings and positions on all matters pertinent on the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us when we need it without asking for it is not a good practice.

Respect is the key to relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect.  We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is quick forming of judgements based on unfounded facts and prejudice.
 
Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties.

This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party’s needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other.

Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings when they need to.

When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship.  Human nature is one. Some of these things found in a relationship also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party’s feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to anyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say ‘No man (or woman) is an Island’.

 
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When people are told that they need to communicate more they often think that that is an open invitation to talk but there is a complete difference between talking and communicating.

Communicating is an art, and art of combining the ability to express your opinions and feelings in such a way as to ensure that the person or people you are talking to understand what you are trying to say with the ability to listen and understand another person’s point of view.

The number of times I have sat in a room, often in meetings and at conferences and I’ve just watched and listened to what is going on around me. It is totally fascinating when whole groups of people have no ability to listen to their colleagues, partners or friends and therefore cannot understand or comprehend any opinion other than their own.

What could have been covered in five minutes or learned in half an hour often takes hours or days just because people refuse to sit back, listen and understand.

Over the years it’s amazing the number of times people are provided with information that, if they acted upon, could totally alter a relationship, career or the success of a business. But, because the sheer lack of peoples ability to listen to and think through another persons point of view unique opportunities pass them by.

Relationships are no different to the work environment other than there are, usually, just two of you. Often, what could be a marriage made in heaven is destroyed by the sheer inability to communicate. The most successful relationships, be it business or personnel are those whereby both parties have strong verbal and listening skills.

Many relationship problems begin with poor communication. Couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and how they feel so do not communicate and then wonder why they feel neglected and under valued.

How many people decide not to tell their partner something just because they don’t know how to say it and then the problem just eats away at the relationship until there is no relationship left? What a waste, just the sheer ability to share a problem can make what seemed to be an insurmountable issue a tiny little blip on a large horizon.

So whenever you feel stressed or don’t know what to do don’t just bottle it up, talk about it, seek advice and listen to the answer. Don’t keep quiet when you know in your heart a problem has to be aired and don’t put off until tomorrow what has to be sorted today. Tomorrow never comes!!

It is how you say something that will ruin a relationship and not what you have to say. The wrong way is just to blurt out something that you know will aggravate or distress your partner. The last thing you want is for them to get defensive, storm off or burst into floods of tears. You want the person you are trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive and in order to be able to achieve this, your timing and approach has to be right.

Every individual is different what will work with one person won’t necessarily work with another and with some people all you can do is sew the seed and then let them walk away and work it out for themselves.

One person I know never actually listens to anyone. She is one of those people who is always right no matter what, hasn’t a clue about being a team player and operates within a zero tolerance zone. Traditional approaches and method of reasoning just don’t work and alls you can do is plant the seed of thought which eventually develops into her, own acceptable idea.

Given peoples individuality you need to learn what, is the right approach for you and your partner. Make sure that you never start a discussion if you don’t have time to finish it, don’t insist on a debate when one of you is off out to work, dealing with the kids or just relaxing in front of their favourite TV programme. If the timing seems to be never right ask the question ‘when would it be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?’. Whatever you do, do not let yourself appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them. Even if your partner is vying for a fight just don’t react.

Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure way to failure.

One of the key ways to improve communication is to develop strong listening skills. Couples often fail to listen to what their partner has to say, interrupt and give the impression that no matter what is said they won’t change their mind. One trick to ensure that you have listened and you do understand is to repeat what you have heard. This will demonstrate that you have listened to what was said and by repeating it back you have the opportunity to comprehend and understand.

How often do we try and work through a problem and it’s only at the point we are explaining the issue to someone else does the magic light bulb switch on which enables us to come up with the answer.

If you are taking an exam would you expect to know everything just by being told it once? For most people I would say not. We have to work at it and work at it hard.

No one ever said marriage would be easy it’s just another lesson we have to learn as we experience life but if you want to save your marriage and make it even more special than it was before then there is very little to stop you.

Relationship problems can lay heavy on your mind, become a burden and what was originally a small issue can develop into an insurmountable mountain.

If you begin to feel that marital issues are beginning to weigh heavily on your mind, take a break and do something you enjoy and preferably with your partner. If you can refocus your attention of the better things in life, day to day issues always seem that much smaller. Spending a little time together and enjoying each other’s company could enable you and your partner to recapture some of the feelings that have been lost through constant arguing and help you regain a positive perspective on your relationship.

Just one last word of advice, when you are feeling down and feel you no longer want to save your marriage just remember that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

If you believe you have financial issues now what do you think it will be like when you split your assets, if you feel you don’t have time to do things what will it be like when you are on your own or worse a single parent and if you feel lonely now how will you feel when every time you walk in your front door all’s you have is your own company. Now none of these thoughts have been aired to encourage you to stay in a bad relationship but rather to make you consider whether or not yours is as bad as you think.

You are the master of your own destiny and if you want to turn a bad marriage around you have the power at your fingertips.

 

 

 

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